Resigning.. Re-signing.

There will be no pictures with this blog post, and prepare yourself for some serious personal dilemmas.  The time has come.  It's time to decide whether or not I will stay another year in Korea.  Due to new visa requirements, the process can't wait much longer, and I'll need to get my act together whether I'm leaving OR staying.

So far, I've agreed (verbally) to stay.  Reasons why... wellll, firstly, one year is very short (long in family time, but short in life-time).  It's nearly a blink.  Around four months, the long-haul set in, and that nagging "I'm land-locked .. in Asia .. and I miss calamata olives!" set in.  Once six months passed, things shifted a bit.  Time began to literally fly.  Artwork was made, new friends were discovered, and a comfortable stride was achieved with my class.  I've started messing around trying to learn Korean... I have a few graduate school friends who are back in the country... I have a few travels planned.

Reasons to stay:
The real reason I would stay is.. THE MONEY.  The paycheck just can't be beat--certainly not for a person in the arts.  My ability to survive here is very comforting when the loan sharks come a-knocking. I also would like to get a show in the city at some point, and the basic stepping stones have finally been set in their place.  I haven't traveled to the extent I'd planned, and I haven't seen much of the country aside from a wedding in the south, and an island to the east.  I feel interrupting my steady paycheck would be a very bad decision at this point in time, and the bonuses and pay raises I'll receive are hard to turn down.  Sadly, as a fine art graduate, I am lacking in the basic skills of a REAL graphic designer, a REAL teacher, and a REAL business entrepreneur.  I have light skills in all of these areas, but my job searches turn up empty time after time, regularly being disqualified for positions based on my inability to use InDesign or Flash fluently, my totally non-existent design degree, and my lack of years of experience in publishing companies, schools, or marketing teams.  If I returned, jobs in major cities may be lightly available, but the entry level positions I could snatch up would never provide a paycheck large enough to sustain all the necessities, such as an apartment, a cell phone, bills, and those nasty little (huge) loan payments.  Falling back into a familiar pattern around Ohio would not only be detrimental to my ability to leave again (as I would be very paycheck to paycheck, just treading water without an opportunity to save), but would also squash any spirit I have built back up while here in Seoul.  I hate to say it, but the midwest is not a place I can be for an extended period of time without feeling listless and unmotivated.  Add to that the inability to leave, and you've got one depressed version of me.

...Did I mention I get a month of vacation on top of my normal alotted amount if I stay? So that's a month in the States for June.  Hm...

Reasons to go:
I'm 30.  I'll be 31 by the time I return and still have no more of a foothold in my industry than I did when I graduated with my MFA, aside from a few publications, a few web shout-outs, and a show or three.  My extended and immediate family have grown, and I've missed nearly all of it!  My new niece will be several months beyond a year of age upon my first VISIT home... and that's a bit depressing.  My life does exist in a form of professional limbo while in Seoul.  I've attempted to have a book of ESL worksheets published to no avail, and I am merely postponing the inevitable career job that I should have had by now.  I am unmarried, boyfriendless, unsuccessful and ... old.

My list to stay is much longer than my list to leave,  but my reasons to leave are scarier and more urgent than my reasons to stay.  If only I had my graduate degree in design and did all this traveling at age 26.  Oh, and I haven't even mentioned that I'm having a lovely time here.  The friends I've met are completely priceless to me, and the future seems brighter from this side of the world, somehow.  Korea's idea of a bad economy seems to be Ferrari, Mazeratti, and Audi dealerships pumping out cars to the masses, while everyone walks around in designer digs and eats $20 lunches for fun.

It's a big decision.  On the surface, I'm staying.  Underneath the initial barrage of dollar signs, I'm not quite sure what to do.  I've got three months (or much less, really) to figure it out, and the panic has officially set in.  Any job offers in the States are welcome.  Really.